I've realized I'm not quite sure who I am anymore. After I broke things off with Daniel, my boyfriend of over 3 years, I've kinda been a little bit of everything trying to find myself again ... The person I was before him. I guess that's impossible though since I grew as a person in those three years we were together. I grew and I learned things about myself that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise but when you walk away from that person, it leaves you questioning still ... "who am I".
At this point I'm focusing on my career and my future. I'm good at that, I always have been. If everything goes according to plan I should graduate Cum Laude in my class. I'm proud of my achievements, that's no surprise.
But what I haven't had to worry about when I was involved was how I portray myself to others. When I was with Daniel I was open bare. I hid nothing, I had no walls, I was myself. Now I've got brick walls up and I feel like I show a different front to different people based on what I think they want to see. However, I realize I may portray myself wrongly. I want to be ME again without walls and without fronts but that's another journey I guess. I'm almost 6 months post break up. It's hard to believe it's been this long already. I can finally breath again and I've started thinking about the possibility of other people and have given up on old memories. Moving on has definitely been the hardest thing I've had to do but I'm glad I was able to get out and move on. Of course I wish things could have been different. I wish he could have been "The One" and I could have married my first love ... but I guess life doesn't work that way. -sigh-
Anywho, I'm continuing on this journey to tear down my walls and be me again . . . but it's not without mistakes and trial and error . . . I just have to learn from my experiences and continue to grow =). On a brighter note . . . 99 days until graduation!
Cheers!
