I've realized I'm not quite sure who I am anymore. After I broke things off with Daniel, my boyfriend of over 3 years, I've kinda been a little bit of everything trying to find myself again ... The person I was before him. I guess that's impossible though since I grew as a person in those three years we were together. I grew and I learned things about myself that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise but when you walk away from that person, it leaves you questioning still ... "who am I".
At this point I'm focusing on my career and my future. I'm good at that, I always have been. If everything goes according to plan I should graduate Cum Laude in my class. I'm proud of my achievements, that's no surprise.
But what I haven't had to worry about when I was involved was how I portray myself to others. When I was with Daniel I was open bare. I hid nothing, I had no walls, I was myself. Now I've got brick walls up and I feel like I show a different front to different people based on what I think they want to see. However, I realize I may portray myself wrongly. I want to be ME again without walls and without fronts but that's another journey I guess. I'm almost 6 months post break up. It's hard to believe it's been this long already. I can finally breath again and I've started thinking about the possibility of other people and have given up on old memories. Moving on has definitely been the hardest thing I've had to do but I'm glad I was able to get out and move on. Of course I wish things could have been different. I wish he could have been "The One" and I could have married my first love ... but I guess life doesn't work that way. -sigh-
Anywho, I'm continuing on this journey to tear down my walls and be me again . . . but it's not without mistakes and trial and error . . . I just have to learn from my experiences and continue to grow =). On a brighter note . . . 99 days until graduation!
Cheers!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Reflections of 2011
Well, I'm about to wave good-bye to 2011 and let me tell you what, I'd rather say "good riddance" than "good bye"! This has been a year of up's and down's and I'm ready to see it go! I'm sure a lot of you would agree with me on this as well <3.
I already summarized the year in my previous blog, but I'll go ahead and elaborate on the high's and low's and the continuing journey I see myself on in 2012!
Education!
I graduate this year!!! As long as I can pass my final class: Nucleic Acid Analysis (NAA) . . . this class will be the bane of my existence in the next 4 months. I'm going to have to come up with some major time management skills considering I will be working 40 hours a week, traveling to multiple graduate school interviews and trying to finish last semester's experiments as well as this semesters work (the two senior capstone courses run into each other, so any unfinished work from last term rolls over into this one). I'm trying not to think about NAA at the moment though, haha, it's a pretty depressing thought!
On a brighter note I've already landed 2/6 interviews for graduate school! I will be traveling o NYC in January and February to interview at 2 AMAZING schools for their Ph.D. programs! If all goes well I may be NYC bound this August <3.
Boys
Ugh. This year has been an awful one for relationships! I basically went through a 1 years long break up. Finally it came to a definitive end in September of this year. This has been one of the hardest things I've faced this year. While I "thought" I was over him pretty early on, the flirtatious advances of a rebound helped with that, but with that distraction gone soon after, I fell back into old feelings and emotions and was miserable again. While I've finally made peace with the fact that we would have never worked out and that what we had will never be possible again with him, I'm still lonely. When I'm alone (which is a lot these days considering I work nights and my waking hours are when the normal world is sleeping), I can't help but dwell on the past. I miss the friendship the most, having that one person who knows you so personally that you can tell them anything or call them at anytime. I'm on my own now. I really have to revamp my social life, turn my days and nights back around (gonna suck with work), and get back out there and become social again. It's just easier said than done. But here's to hoping the New Year will bring many more opportunities to be social and find myself again!
Conclusion!
So overall my professional life is soaring forward into the new year and my social life is trying to take off . . . here's to a new year and new opportunities! My wish is for an open mind and an open heart to take in all this new year has to offer. Hopefully lots of Love, Success, and Financial Stability <3. Bring it, 2012!!!
I already summarized the year in my previous blog, but I'll go ahead and elaborate on the high's and low's and the continuing journey I see myself on in 2012!
Education!
I graduate this year!!! As long as I can pass my final class: Nucleic Acid Analysis (NAA) . . . this class will be the bane of my existence in the next 4 months. I'm going to have to come up with some major time management skills considering I will be working 40 hours a week, traveling to multiple graduate school interviews and trying to finish last semester's experiments as well as this semesters work (the two senior capstone courses run into each other, so any unfinished work from last term rolls over into this one). I'm trying not to think about NAA at the moment though, haha, it's a pretty depressing thought!
On a brighter note I've already landed 2/6 interviews for graduate school! I will be traveling o NYC in January and February to interview at 2 AMAZING schools for their Ph.D. programs! If all goes well I may be NYC bound this August <3.
Boys
Ugh. This year has been an awful one for relationships! I basically went through a 1 years long break up. Finally it came to a definitive end in September of this year. This has been one of the hardest things I've faced this year. While I "thought" I was over him pretty early on, the flirtatious advances of a rebound helped with that, but with that distraction gone soon after, I fell back into old feelings and emotions and was miserable again. While I've finally made peace with the fact that we would have never worked out and that what we had will never be possible again with him, I'm still lonely. When I'm alone (which is a lot these days considering I work nights and my waking hours are when the normal world is sleeping), I can't help but dwell on the past. I miss the friendship the most, having that one person who knows you so personally that you can tell them anything or call them at anytime. I'm on my own now. I really have to revamp my social life, turn my days and nights back around (gonna suck with work), and get back out there and become social again. It's just easier said than done. But here's to hoping the New Year will bring many more opportunities to be social and find myself again!
Conclusion!
So overall my professional life is soaring forward into the new year and my social life is trying to take off . . . here's to a new year and new opportunities! My wish is for an open mind and an open heart to take in all this new year has to offer. Hopefully lots of Love, Success, and Financial Stability <3. Bring it, 2012!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
I'm Back!
I can't believe I started this back in February and have abandoned it since =(. I had big plans to blog about my internship at Cold Spring Harbor and about my Super-Senior year at Florida Tech. Guess I blew-it with that plan. I am a procrastinator after all so I suppose it isn't surprising. Well a lot has happened since February . . . ready for the speed-of-light version? OK!
Until next time I post (Hopefully not another 10 months from now!!!)
-BEE
- Interned at one of the top research institutes in the USA
- Presented my research at a national conference.
- Visited UW-Madison, all expenses paid!
- Applied to graduate school (Ph.D. programs in Pathology)
- Broke up with my boyfriend of 3.25 years (yeah, that sucked!)
- Got over ex BF (work in progress, but I'm pretty much 99% there!)
- Got an amazing job . . . well the paychecks are amazing . . . the work is pretty awful!
- Found out through Facebook that my dad eloped.
- Bent the rim on my car by hitting a curb (keep the "women-can't-drive" jokes to yourself, haha)
- Conquered 3 Disney parks in 1 day.
- Saw the 4th of July Fireworks in NYC.
- Started training for a 5k and got half where there before life got in the way.
- I have since started training again!
Until next time I post (Hopefully not another 10 months from now!!!)
-BEE
Saturday, February 5, 2011
"Woah, where am I . . . what is this place?"
This, my friend is going to be the little place on the internet where my brain will take residence. Welcome, come inside and have a look around.
I have come to realize that since I began college I have lost almost all of my creative ability. I have been reduced to a text book reading, lab report writing machine! My life consists of lectures, learning labs, research labs, work, organizations and all the homework/papers/reports that come with the territory. I am not complaining, just stating how my life has changed - from creative to technical.
In any case the purpose of this blog is to share my real life stories and to have a creative moment in my very technical day, an oasis, if you will. I realize I status update on FB all the time, but that is temporary and short, lacking the length to add in personal flair! I would like an account of my life, because I realize my memory capacity is filling up (Thanks Florida Tech), and I may not always be able to remember the good times, and even the not so good times. I want to look back on this and smile, laugh or even learn from my mistakes. I am also sharing this instead of writing it in a private diary because I am not a private person. Now this doesn't mean this blog will be all TMI all the time because I would like to avoid that. I just want to give people a glimpse into the real me and into the life of a full time student just trying to find her place in the world.
This will be a documentary of my final semesters at Florida Tech, my adventures academically, personally, and spiritually. Welcome to the Wild Adventures of a Mad Scientist in Training!
I have come to realize that since I began college I have lost almost all of my creative ability. I have been reduced to a text book reading, lab report writing machine! My life consists of lectures, learning labs, research labs, work, organizations and all the homework/papers/reports that come with the territory. I am not complaining, just stating how my life has changed - from creative to technical.
In any case the purpose of this blog is to share my real life stories and to have a creative moment in my very technical day, an oasis, if you will. I realize I status update on FB all the time, but that is temporary and short, lacking the length to add in personal flair! I would like an account of my life, because I realize my memory capacity is filling up (Thanks Florida Tech), and I may not always be able to remember the good times, and even the not so good times. I want to look back on this and smile, laugh or even learn from my mistakes. I am also sharing this instead of writing it in a private diary because I am not a private person. Now this doesn't mean this blog will be all TMI all the time because I would like to avoid that. I just want to give people a glimpse into the real me and into the life of a full time student just trying to find her place in the world.
This will be a documentary of my final semesters at Florida Tech, my adventures academically, personally, and spiritually. Welcome to the Wild Adventures of a Mad Scientist in Training!
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